The hardest thing in the world

That would be your child crying and you being powerless to stop it.  Overall things have gone good over the past few days, but as things go in the NICU, it is often two steps forward and one step back.  He is off the vent and doing good, but he did not tolerate the feedings well so they have stopped feedings for now.

His has been downgraded or upgraded to open crib status.  This means we can start bringing clothes for him to wear, changing his diaper more often, taking his temperature, and most importantly holding him.  Yes, we got to hold him today, and it was both the most exciting and heartbreaking moment of our lives.  Heartbreaking?  Yes, it was heartbreaking.  Due to the combination of him still having the pic line, oxygen, and monitors hooked up, there were very few ways we were able to hold him in order to bring him comfort.  So, when he was hungry because he is not getting fed, and you can't move him around to different positions to comfort him, you have to simply watch your child cry from hunger and be powerless to bring him any comfort.

So, we did both get to hold him and after I rocked him to sleep, we put him back in the bed.  Later in the day they gave us the chance to hold him again, but he was fast asleep.  Carrie and I had discussed it and made the conscious decision after holding him the first time that unless he was already awake and fussy when we were there that we would not wake him just to hold him.  We would rather watch him sleep peacefully than be awakened to realize his little tummy is empty.  That is the most painful thing.  That helpless feeling as a parent that you cannot cure your child's hunger.

The events today reminded me there are many parents around the world who go through that feeling of helplessness on a daily basis.  Their child is hungry and they cannot provide food for them for whatever reason.  In this world, there is no reason for a child to go hungry, and there is something you can do about it.  Compassion International is an organization that allows individuals and families to "adopt" children from around the world and give them food and medical aid each month.  Carrie and I adopted a young boy from Nicaragua a little over a year ago.  His name is Kevin.  We correspond with Kevin.  We enjoy getting his letters and writing letters to him.  I can't wait for Shiloh to be old enough to also converse with Kevin.  What I would ask of you is to look into yourself and pray and seek God's will as to whether or not this is something you could or should do.  For both food and medical care, we pay $45 a month, less than the cost of dinner and a movie.  Pray over it and if you are interested, go to www.compassion.com for more information.  No child should have to go to bed hungry.

Shiloh, is doing good, and we came home again tonight to bring him some clothes tomorrow.  Exciting things are happening, and more exciting things are coming.  As always we need prayer:

1. Pray advances stay advances
2. Pray he can tolerate feedings and even be moved to bottle feeding.  When this happens, the pic line can come out and he will be easier to care for
3. Pray his lungs continue to get stronger
4. Pray for our strength, patience, and travel time
5. Pray for God to continue to provide financially. I had a complete stranger from a Belmont Baptist Church in Odessa come to find me in the NICU today to let me know he was praying for us and to give me $100.  God has provided on every front.
6. He will begin reaching milestones for his homecoming

Thank you all and we love you.